Wednesday, July 2, 2014

SPANKING: FUNISHMENT OR PUNISHMENT?

          Many of us in the “older” generations remember, before it was politically correct to avoid chastising your children physically, being swatted on the behind when we were naughty. A few good whacks and a lesson was learned. So we associate spanking with punishment.

          So how come so many people consider spanking foreplay or, indeed, an end in itself? Consider this: on FetLife (a website for kinky people to share their kinks) there are over 332,000 folks signed up as “into” spanking. The annual Boardwalk Badness Weekend in Atlantic City NJ draws thousands of spankos from across the country as well as from Europe. Untold numbers of groups around the country cater strictly to spanking.

          Segue to a recent presentation I attended by NJspankingcouple, whose name says it all. Both male and female consider themselves tops with a decided emphasis on spanking as their kink. They spank each other for fun and both spank other willing bottoms, sometimes double-teaming on the lucky subject. Here’s what I learned from their talk.

Spanking runs the gamut from sensual to sadistic — from, yes, funishment to punishment.
          * Sensual. Rubbing, touching, pinching, light smacking. It’s relaxed and, well, sensual.
          * Erotic. More intimate, sexual, personal. Touching private parts. Can be delicious foreplay.
          * Therapeutic stress relief. A paddle or flogger on the shoulders and ass can relax the subject. Sometimes the subject needs to be pushed into crying so as to totally let loose the tension.

These first three can be for anyone, including casual or pick-up play. The others are for more established couples.
          * Maintenance and discipline. This is motivation and focus, not punishment, for example if one is ignoring something they are supposed to be working on. This should have a set time and place to allow them to anticipate the session.
          * Punishment. This must be harsh. It is a consequence of misbehavior or breaking rules, such as showing up late without calling to say one will be late, or cursing like a sailor. Punishment is usually immediate. Of course, if the recipient is a masochist, then it won’t work; you’d have to find a different punishment, such as scrubbing floors or holding a quarter to the wall with one’s nose. It also helps to add how much they have disappointed you.

Mechanics of spanking:
          Over-the-knee is the standard, beginning position. The giver sits in an armless chair, with the receiver draped over your thighs, with their hands and feet touching the floor. A variation, especially if someone squirms or kicks, is wrapping one leg around theirs and/or holding down their arms. Or position them to lean over a desk or table, chair back, etc. while standing. An alternative for a newbie or someone with a disability can be on a sofa so the recipient has less stress because their weight is more evenly distributed.
Wheelbarrow spank position
          More sophisticated positions include diaper: lying prone on a bed or sofa with both legs lifted up towards the chest (it’s nice to have a helper hold those legs immobile while you swat). Or wheelbarrow, where the recipient is face-down, hands on the floor, legs wedged on either side of your torso. Or on all fours, like a dog.

Kinds of toys:
          You don’t have to spend lots of money. Look around your Dollar Store, Wal-Mart, Home Depot, etc. Or go to a tack store (for horses). Wooden spoons, spatulas, belts, crops, dowels, paint stirrers. Hair brushes, ping pong paddles. The handle from a dangling cat toy. Choose a variety of sizes and shapes and textures.

Technique:
          Start with a warm-up of soft, slow slaps, from one cheek to the other. Use an upward, cupping motion for more sensuality. Change from your palm to wood to leather and back again. Be aware of and avoid the bones at the base of the spine. The sweetest (i.e., gives the most sting) spot is the line where the bottom of the butt meets the back of the thighs. Some receivers like hits on the thighs and some don’t, so ask! Spread their legs and hit vertically onto the crotch. If you’re using a flexible toy (belt, flogger), be careful not to wrap around to the front. If your partner is naked, you may also want to add fingernail scratches up and down the back, or a soft glove or fur mitt in between hard swats. A leather glove will also lessen the sting to your own palm.

Aftercare:
          Especially after a heavy session, be aware your partner may need careful attention – assistance getting to their feet, cuddles and affirmation, a few sips of water. Some may need to be alone to process the experience. The top also needs a form of aftercare as well, not just providing the cuddling, but also going to onlookers and reliving the “Did you see what a great scene that was?” experience.

A final word:
          Spanking IS NOT abuse. This is an entirely different category than an unwilling subject being a punching bag. Spanking should provide pleasure for both parties. Communication is key. Make sure your partner has a safe word, make sure you practice SSC (safe, sane and consensual). Know when to stop, or you’ll be needing a new partner.

          All photos courtesy of and copyright © 2014 by the author.

~~ Cris Anson, who has thoroughly researched and tested some of these methods

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

FRIDAY'S THE DAY!


This Friday, May 30, Ellora’s Cave is releasing REDEMPTION AND GLORY. As you’ll see from the blurb below, it’s my hottest book to date. And what an in-your-face cover! Which is great, because Mistress Glory is an in-your-face heroine.


REDEMPTION AND GLORY (#3)
Bored with all the groupies who provide him with anonymous sex, famous sculptor Adam accepts the offer to lurk behind a voyeur screen at his agent’s BDSM club. Watching the magnificent Mistress Glory in action, Adam is so smitten that he can’t decide if he wants to tame her or kneel before her.

When Davinia helps her business partner Mercy at a book signing, a magazine’s “Most Eligible Bachelor” and the man of her wet dreams comes by to help publicize the event. Instant lust turns to chagrin when he addresses her as Mistress Glory.

As the two novices to Dominance and submission explore what turns them on in this exciting new world, the journey takes explosive twists and turns. Add the sexy agent and his slave, and anything can—and does—happen: a steamy ménage with both m/m and f/f action and lots of dungeon activity resulting in one scorching-hot story.

The other books in this series:
 

PUNISHMENT AND MERCY (#1)
Mercy, a wanton widow in 1690s Massachusetts Bay colony, is forced to marry a blacksmith to mend her reputation. Trouble ensues when his young apprentice falls in love with her.

MERCY AND REDEMPTION (#2)
Three strangers meet in an old cemetery 300 years later and sparks fly. Mercy realizes she’s known these men before and they have unfinished business. Which one will she choose this time?
You can purchase my books here and at most other electronic outlets:
Amazon 

So sit back in the shade with an ice-cold drink and enjoy!

~~ Cris Anson


Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Authors Discussing BDSM


I hope you’ve read my recent blog listing lifestyle practitioners who will present hands-on demonstrations at the upcoming BDSM Writers Con at the Roosevelt Hotel in New York City August 21-24. Today I’d like to feature some of the authors who will be giving workshops.


Joey W. Hill, Keynote Speaker
Recipient of the RT Book Reviews Career Achievement Award and author of more than thirty contemporary and paranormal BDSM erotic romances, Joey W. Hill is also a practicing submissive in her personal life. Her website has free excerpts and information on all her available titles. Among her delicious works are the Nature of Desire series and the Knights of the Boardroom series published with Ellora’s Cave. As her website says, she wants her characters to “reach a soul-deep understanding of one another through the expression of their darkest sexual needs, and then growing from that understanding into love.”

Dr. Charley Ferrer, Host & Founder of BDSM Writers Con
A world renowned Clinical Sexologist and BDSM Expert, Dr. Charley Ferrer has taught various workshops on Dominance and submission throughout the U.S., Latin America and China, earning her the title of America’s BDSM Expert. She has taught various workshops on BDSM to both the general public and authors and has created several webinars on this and other topics. The award winning author of over a dozen books on relationships and sexuality, including BDSM for Writers and BDSM the Naked Truth, Dr. Charley is currently writing a new book on ways to enhance your relationship titled 30 Shades of Kink, due to be released later this year.

Natalie Acres aka Destiny Blaine
Award-winning, bestselling author Destiny Blaine uses several pseudonyms in various genres. Writing under the pen name Natalie Acres, some of her BDSM titles have claimed Amazon’s #1 spot in erotica. Her BDSM western and paranormal titles have been bestsellers at Bookstrand, ARe, and other third party retailers. Natalie and her husband live in East Tennessee. When not writing, she can often be found at a ballgame, casino, or on a sandy beach with a book in hand. 

Cris Anson
Cris Anson's interest in BDSM has been evident since her first erotic romance was published by Ellora's Cave in 2005. In her soon-to-be-released fourteenth book, Redemption and Glory, two novices to BDSM learn what turns them on, but their exploration turns explosive when a second man enters their Domination and submission games. Cris has given or received floggings, violet wand, spankings, power exchanges, and other elements of BDSM, all in the name of research. Her books consistently receive 5-star and Recommended-Read reviews.

Miranda Baker
Miranda Baker is the author of the Come Again and Double Helix series for Samhain Publishing. When it comes to sex and love, there’s something for everyone, and she delights in giving happily-ever-afters to her quirky characters. A firm believer in write what you know (except when it comes to BDSM with superpowers—she wishes!), Miranda often puts work into play with her kinky husband. 

Sorcha Black
Co-author of the Badass Brats series, Sorcha Black writes about kinky bisexual women in poly relationships. She became a romance writer after meeting two nefarious authors on the internet. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Sorcha enjoys tattoos and foul language.

Scarlet Hawthorne
Scarlet Hawthorne loves to include elements of BDSM in her erotic romances because, as a 24/7 submissive in a DD household, she hopes to reverse the misinformation and negative stereotypes promulgated in the media. She has also published mainstream romances in a variety of genres, from paranormal to romantic suspense, under other pen names. Scarlet’s upcoming release is the M/M Romance, Between the Notes.

Debra Hyde
Debra Hyde is nearing her twenty-year anniversary in the BDSM scene. For sixteen of those years, she was an owned submissive and although her master “aged out” of dominance in his senior years, they’re still attached to each other and still playing. Devotion is ever-lasting.

Michael Makai
Author of the Amazon best-seller, Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook, Michael Makai has been a lifestyle Dominant for 37 years, a behind-the-scenes mentor and educator on BDSM and D/s for decades, and has been active in dozens of fetish lifestyle organizations in Europe and the U.S. Michael believes that the key to understanding the lifestyle and the people in it is to be able to recognize the very distinct differences between BDSM, which is something you do, and D/s, which is a relationship dynamic.

Kallypso Masters
Bestselling author Kallypso Masters writes emotional, realistic Romance novels with dominant men and the women who bring them to their knees. Her real-to-life BDSM themed Rescue Me series has opened a dialogue with many readers new to the genre—and the lifestyle she loves to write about. 

Cassandra Park
An editor and writer (erotic and mainstream) who has been in the BDSM lifestyle for more than 25 years, Cassandra Park dabbles in many types of play but gravitates to spanking and discipline play. She and her husband attend several spanking parties a year around the country. Cassandra writes about the scene on her blog, Sandy’s Room. In the vanilla world, she enjoys photography, reading, and making things. She lives in Queens, NY.

Dr. Matthew Scrivens
Dr. Matthew Scrivens discovered the true strength and resilience of the human heart when he provided therapy to murderers, molesters, and rapists in hopes that helping the perpetrators of such crimes might result in fewer victims. Having journeyed the black night of the soul innumerable times with many troubled clients, Dr. Scrivens has developed a familiarity and understanding of the dark side of human psychology. Using what he has learned and experienced, Dr. Scrivens has presented his knowledge as a guest blogger and conference speaker. His best-selling gay erotic thriller Sole Survivor was published in 2012.

Leia Shaw
Leia Shaw is the bestselling author of the paranormal romance series, Shadows of Destiny. More recently, she’s branched out into the erotic world by co-authoring the bestselling BDSM ménage Badass Brats series, which is not only known for its fun representation of the lifestyle but also loving and realistic polyamorous relationships.

Shannon West
Shannon West currently lives in the South with her husband and large family. A lover and avid reader of M/M romances, she has over forty short stories, novellas, and novels to her credit. All nine novels in her wolf shifters series, Dark Hollows, became best sellers on Amazon, ARe and Bookstrand. She writes BDSM and ménage as well, including Taken in Hand, Taken Firmly in Hand, Mastering Matthew and The Education of Nicholas. She loves men and everything about them, and believes that love is love, no matter the gender!

Susan Wright
In 1997 Susan Wright founded the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, a national advocacy organization for the BDSM, swing and polyamory communities, and currently serves as its spokesperson. She chaired the successful DSM-5 Revision Project, and coordinated the SM Policy Reform Project for the National Organization for Women (NOW) which resulted in rescinding their anti-BDSM policy at their national conference in 1999. Susan has written kinky Contemporary Romance novels as well as Urban Fantasy, Fantasy, Science Fiction and Star Trek books. The USA Today Bestselling Author has published more than 30 novels and nonfiction books on art and popular culture with Pocket Books, Penguin Group, St Martin’s Press and Kensington. 


I hope this whets your appetite for the BDSM Writers Con – which, by the way, is not just for writers, but for readers and all those interested in BDSM as well. Come join us!

~~ Cris Anson